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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813532">On Faith and Mourning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopus_defence/pseuds/octopus_defence'>octopus_defence</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Gods and Goddesses, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Spoilers for March 1st, twitch prime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:01:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,372</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813532</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopus_defence/pseuds/octopus_defence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a church in the lands of the SMP. There is a goddess, watching over the lands. There is grief and hurt that time has not yet comforted. There is loss that is not yet felt. The air is somber and weighted with mourning.</p><p>There is a boy that misses his friend.</p><p>----</p><p>Tubbo reflects on faith and what it means in the wake of Tommy's death.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>On Faith and Mourning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tubbo had followed a goddess all his life, but his relationship with her was quite different than the one Tommy had with Prime. Tubbo knows his goddess well and closely, from the lavender presence that started following him before he was old enough to remember it ever not being there and the stories his father would whisper to him as he fell asleep. Tommy's faith is was nothing like that, he believed wholeheartedly despite the total lack of proof that Tubbo saw. Whenever Tubbo asked how he believed, or what he saw in Prime, Tommy would drop whatever persona or bit he had donned at the moment for a second and smile softly at him, spreading his arms wide to gesture at the world around them and speaking simply in the most sincere and honest voice Tubbo has ever heard him use.</p><p> </p><p>“How can you not?”</p><p>The first time Tubbo thought he understood was the day Jack Manifold walked up to Tubbo on the side of the road and in a flinching but ultimately unwavering tone informed him that Tommy was dead, had lost a life for a third and final time, and was gone for good.<br/>
Hearing that rattled him straight to his core and Tubbo found himself wandering aimlessly and thoughtlessly in a way he hadn’t ever done before, almost entirely unaware of his surroundings. His feet moved onward while his head felt frozen in place and when he came back to himself, it was to find himself in the Holy Lands, paused outside of the church with one hand on the entranceway. He had been there many times before, had been one of the ones that collected quartz and carved it into bricks to make the foundation, had taken refuge within the walls from one foe or another, and had stood on the threshold watching silently as Tommy prayed on too many occasions to count.</p><p>Tommy wasn’t there now.</p><p>Tubbo hesitantly stepped into the church, removing his armor and making his way to the altar, kneeling smoothly and fluidly like he had watched Tommy do so many times before. He had no idea what he is doing, only mimicking his memories of his closest friend (his own Lady of Balance was not a goddess with any churches, and Tubbo had been taught to keep his faith close to his chest by his father and the stories of the pirates) but his mouth started moving, whispering what must be a prayer.</p><p>"My Lady," he started, because that is how one ought to address a goddess and that was how Tommy always started. "Well, you’re not my Lady, I suppose, but you were his and I figured I ought to do this." He stumbled through his correction but as he spoke, he could almost believe he heard a light laugh on the breeze that blew through the stained glass as it ruffled his hair. "I don't know how much I believe in you, but he always did- Tommy always did, and faith is a strong thing. I don't know what exactly you do, but if he was as strong a follower as I saw, then you should've felt it. He died today, apparently, and this time, this death is for good. I am not one of your followers, I have my own goddess I suppose, even if I am not the most public about it and she isn't exactly here for me to follow, but Tommy was the most faithful and pious person I have seen in my life- and I grew up with the fucking Champion of Balance as my father! I might not mean anything to you, but I have to hope that Tommy did and I'm here for him. I know he's gone for good, and that there isn't really a way to bring him back without fucking up the order of things- and I don't really want him back, he has had a hard life and he deserves to rest without us coming along and fucking it up and dragging him back in. But I think you owe him that- owe him a good afterlife. He wasn't always a good person, but I heard what hell is like from my friend Jack Manifold and he does not deserve that. Anyways, I'm not sure how to end this but I just wanted to ask you for that- to let him rest for once."</p><p>His words ran out and he blinked back into the world, opening eyes he wasn't aware he had closed. His breath hitched and he blinked back tears, bringing up a hand to wipe at the salt that dried on his cheeks. Slowly, his awareness of his surroundings returned and he gasped.<br/>
For the first time in this world, he stood surrounded by unearthly color that misted at his sides and hummed with deific energy. The deep purple set off a fire in his brain and for a second he questioned how he did not sense his father's goddess in this realm. But then his eyes caught the shade, which was less vibrant than hers; deeper and more royal. The presence was staggeringly regal, but simultaneously filled with a warmth that he shivered at.</p><p>"Prime?" he asks, and he is not sure if it is aloud or in his head but he gets a response either way.</p><p>"You are not my boy, but you loved him and he loved you. Of course I will take care of Thommathy, my child. I will take care of you too, if you ask, but I know you follow your own path and I will not take you from her. Tubbo," she- Prime- said, full of tenderness and love in a way that struck Tubbo with aching familiarity, "I can see how much he meant to you and I have heard more than I could ever recount about how much you meant to him in return. We might not have met before, but through him I have loved you. My son," she paused for a moment, and Tubbo was almost bowled over as he suddenly was hit with an ocean wave of emotion from her, all of the regret and pain that she must have felt before it was replaced with love and calm and peace, "I have failed you time and time again, and I will not do it again. I swear to you that I will let Tommy rest if he wishes, and I will protect you if you desire. I promise."</p><p>What do you say to that? What do you say in response to a broken and honest confession of regret and remorse from a being that has lived longer than you can dream and will live long after you have faded from memory? The truth is that there is no correct thing to say.  </p><p>The goddess’s voice was cracked and broken at the end of her speech and everything Tubbo knew told him that this was the honest truth, something she admitted from the bottom of her heart. The purple had shifted around him, and he nodded at her, not trusting of his own abilities of speech. Tommy was safe, he knew deep in his bones, with a certainty that would have scared him were he was not so comforted by that fact. He nodded and accepted the unspoken apology in her words, accepted her ragged and pleading promise because he understood her.</p><p>And if Tubbo stayed kneeling long after the purple glow had faded and the sun outside had set, after the goddess had gone to do whatever it was she needed to, hands clasped around a wildly spinning compass, who’s to say? Not the sheep that clasped her hands and whispered words so similar to those of the goddess, of regret and failure and a need to do better. Not the enderman, passing by with arms full of flowers on his way up the hill. Not the creeper, voice scratched, eyes rimmed in red, and face carefully empty, carrying a green bandana with shaking but gentle hands up to the altar, where he placed it and left without saying a word.</p><p>Tommy was gone, and Tubbo prayed in the memory of his best friend.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! If you would like, drop a kudos to show you enjoyed the story and drop a comment if you want me to be walking on air for the next week! I really enjoy reading them!</p><p>I might've written this in discord and then added to it in a google doc, whoops...</p><p>My tumblr is octopus-defence-squad and my twitter is DefenceOzzie feel free to come and yell at me!</p><p>Blame Tony for this, I love you so much.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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